Dear Lord, please please please help me to listen (perhaps through ODJ?), i really need your peace. So bad.

but we can't go back in time.
do not. ever. screw up prelims.

Had a gargantuan change in mindset today.
worst case scenario- i end up extremely depressed,
best case scenario- i live happily ever after.
the end.

haha this is the first post i've made in a really long time (:
stressing myself out now, so i've decided to blurt my troubles all out onto this... completely public blog o.o but its not like people read it anyway, so unwanted spreading of information, regarding my amazing abilities to make my life miserable, won't be a problem
57 wonderful days til the start of O levels, lovely. i haven't really started revising because i've been doing all the papers that our teachers set for us (3 to complete this weekend). i often say that i blame it on them, but i know that the underlying problem is my (severe) lack of time management, heh.
prelims ended already. they turned out... not satisfactory i guess. but that (once again) is because i didn't start studying early enough. my marks were as such- emath1, amath1, bio2, chem2, chinese(o levels)3, english5, geog6, combinedhumans6, L1R5- 17. i know i can do much better than that. if i am to go to njc (it's conveniently close to my house), i NEED those 6 points.
Our Daily Journey (ODJ) devotionals start on 1st September. i really really really can't wait. recently i've been leaving God out of my life and instead turning to the radio to drown my worries/ sorrows. which is very very very bad. God is so much better than the radio. so hopefully ODJ will put me back on track (:
speaking of God, youth december church camp this year is gonna be AWESOME. because i'm finally helping out in a comm (: hospitality (because i'm in hospitality in the normal youth service anyway :D ) mei en's joined that comm too, it'll be nice to work with her
prom is like, on the 19th, only 4 days after the Os end, and i. have. no. dress. i can finally fit into my mom's dark/olive green floor-length gown, but that will probably make me stand out like a sore thumb among all the shorter dresses. i could re-use the dress from the scmun d&d, but something-that-i-won't-tell-you is deterring me from wearing it =/ aunty beth said she'll ask her niece (a tailor in hawaii, i think) if she can help me make a prom dress (: so nice right
i have this terrible terrible habit of doing things that aren't good for me just to prove to myself that i can do that thing. for example not studying for a test, predicting a fail, and receiving a fail, just to prove that my prediction of a fail was right. or being mean, just to prove to myself that i'm strong enough to do it and am not a softie. basically, i'm a afraid of failure. this seems contradictory to my previous example of failing tests, but in those scenarios, succeeding to predict a fail seems (but obviously isn't) better than studying and then failing, at least when i don't study, i can say that if i studied i would have passed. there are other strange things i do that i myself cannot comprehend (can't think of any right now). i really really want to take a psychological assessment to just find out why i do so many strange things, something/one that will just tell me EVERYTHING about myself, so i won't have to keep confusing myself.
the answer to all my troubles is of course very simple- God. but sometimes (many times, actually), i don't know whether or not i should do something, especially when it is a morally neutral decision (e.g. should i or should i not talk to a person). i know i learnt in sunday school that God really doesn't mind what decisions you make regarding these minuscule issues, what is important is that you align yourself to His will, then everything else will fall into place. my brain is tired, i can't think about all this simply complex stuff anymore.
oh btw my maternal grandparents gave me some myrrh from their january trip to israel, it smells nice (:
until the next time i feel extremely bothered/ stressed/ happy,
goodbye (:

yay exams are almost over! :D
now its just chinese, english and *gasp* amath
the only muggable is amath so its so much more relaxed now
omg almost all my test papers were so screwed lor D:
but ah nvm its all over now (:
oh and thank you so much to everyone who prayed for and encouraged me <333
wheeeee
i'm gonna bake chocolate chip cookies after the exams :D
omg i just realised that we were supposed to get a letter today about enrichment stuff
but we didn't
:O
i need to know omg cos i have a dental appointment on the 15th
what rubberband colour should i get next?
oh oh you know just now the fuse switch thing in our house went out
and everytime we flipped the switch it just went off again
so i called my dad and he said that it was because electricity was leaking from somewhere
and to switch off as many power outlets in the house as possible
then flip the switch and go around switching the power outlets back on
until we found the one that caused the shortage
turns out it was the heater in the kitchen
haha it was so funny
i was napping (again) and my sis was taking a shower
then i heard her scream and run downstairs shouting for aunty beth
omg i hope she was wearing a towel :O
then i just kept sleeping hehe
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
dubai is in india :D
and ipods make sounds!
oh the joy of being dumb
only a few more days left of eoys!
jiayou everyone! <3
God bless!
YAY

hey guys (:
sorry i haven't posted for so long (again)
exams are coming! FIVE MORE DAYS
i'm just finishing chapter 2 now.
4 more, oh JOY
brb dinner
mm yay! mommy brought back honey roasted chicken and sushi :D
wahahahaha
i can't remember what's happened over the past zillion weeks...
*thinks really hard*
remind me ok :D
oh oh and send me nice songs so i can study ^^
i like ribena and froots and cheetos and chocolate and ice cream
so i'm getting fatter, but not yet fat
i will exercise after eoys!
eoys are a time to nourish your brain with fats and liquids :D
GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK FOR EOYS EVERYONE!!!
STUDY HARD AND GET GOOD GRADES!!!
and even if you don't get good grades (like me!) at least you tried your best (:
lalalala tuesday is a holiday! even though i have no idea what the occasion is! :D
but who cares? ITS A HOLIDAY.
or not.
more like study break, eh? =/
jiayou everyone! HAVE FAITH
SMILE IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT
I SAID SMILE! *evil stare*
:D

the holidays are almost over D:
omg i haven't finished my homework!
slept over at charm's yesterday (:
slept at 4 watching grey's anatomy (that i'm watching now too hehe)
at season5 episode20 now
started at season5 episode...15?16?
somewhere around there
the medical stuff is cool :D
gahh homework! D:
oh i cleaned out my room :D
now i can see the floor and the windowsill and my table
charm and i baked chocolate chip cookies this morning (:
they're nice
bio test on monday!
going out with wen ling tomorrow
cos she needs to buy presents AGAIN, lol!
eggy are you back from hongkong yet or not?!
i bet you've done your homework already
thanks for the books charm (: <33
i've got 3% more to go in mousehunt before getting journeyman!
grey's anatomy has taught me that oncology has something to do with cancer
i will do work tomorrow
because if i don't
i am doomed
byebye