I really couldn't ask for more. What's stopping me.
Oh goodness what is all this. Stop thinking, hurry up and do something about it.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
haha this is the first post i've made in a really long time (:
stressing myself out now, so i've decided to blurt my troubles all out onto this... completely public blog o.o but its not like people read it anyway, so unwanted spreading of information, regarding my amazing abilities to make my life miserable, won't be a problem
57 wonderful days til the start of O levels, lovely. i haven't really started revising because i've been doing all the papers that our teachers set for us (3 to complete this weekend). i often say that i blame it on them, but i know that the underlying problem is my (severe) lack of time management, heh.
prelims ended already. they turned out... not satisfactory i guess. but that (once again) is because i didn't start studying early enough. my marks were as such- emath1, amath1, bio2, chem2, chinese(o levels)3, english5, geog6, combinedhumans6, L1R5- 17. i know i can do much better than that. if i am to go to njc (it's conveniently close to my house), i NEED those 6 points.
Our Daily Journey (ODJ) devotionals start on 1st September. i really really really can't wait. recently i've been leaving God out of my life and instead turning to the radio to drown my worries/ sorrows. which is very very very bad. God is so much better than the radio. so hopefully ODJ will put me back on track (:
speaking of God, youth december church camp this year is gonna be AWESOME. because i'm finally helping out in a comm (: hospitality (because i'm in hospitality in the normal youth service anyway :D ) mei en's joined that comm too, it'll be nice to work with her
prom is like, on the 19th, only 4 days after the Os end, and i. have. no. dress. i can finally fit into my mom's dark/olive green floor-length gown, but that will probably make me stand out like a sore thumb among all the shorter dresses. i could re-use the dress from the scmun d&d, but something-that-i-won't-tell-you is deterring me from wearing it =/ aunty beth said she'll ask her niece (a tailor in hawaii, i think) if she can help me make a prom dress (: so nice right
i have this terrible terrible habit of doing things that aren't good for me just to prove to myself that i can do that thing. for example not studying for a test, predicting a fail, and receiving a fail, just to prove that my prediction of a fail was right. or being mean, just to prove to myself that i'm strong enough to do it and am not a softie. basically, i'm a afraid of failure. this seems contradictory to my previous example of failing tests, but in those scenarios, succeeding to predict a fail seems (but obviously isn't) better than studying and then failing, at least when i don't study, i can say that if i studied i would have passed. there are other strange things i do that i myself cannot comprehend (can't think of any right now). i really really want to take a psychological assessment to just find out why i do so many strange things, something/one that will just tell me EVERYTHING about myself, so i won't have to keep confusing myself.
the answer to all my troubles is of course very simple- God. but sometimes (many times, actually), i don't know whether or not i should do something, especially when it is a morally neutral decision (e.g. should i or should i not talk to a person). i know i learnt in sunday school that God really doesn't mind what decisions you make regarding these minuscule issues, what is important is that you align yourself to His will, then everything else will fall into place. my brain is tired, i can't think about all this simply complex stuff anymore.
oh btw my maternal grandparents gave me some myrrh from their january trip to israel, it smells nice (:
until the next time i feel extremely bothered/ stressed/ happy,
goodbye (:
stressing myself out now, so i've decided to blurt my troubles all out onto this... completely public blog o.o but its not like people read it anyway, so unwanted spreading of information, regarding my amazing abilities to make my life miserable, won't be a problem
57 wonderful days til the start of O levels, lovely. i haven't really started revising because i've been doing all the papers that our teachers set for us (3 to complete this weekend). i often say that i blame it on them, but i know that the underlying problem is my (severe) lack of time management, heh.
prelims ended already. they turned out... not satisfactory i guess. but that (once again) is because i didn't start studying early enough. my marks were as such- emath1, amath1, bio2, chem2, chinese(o levels)3, english5, geog6, combinedhumans6, L1R5- 17. i know i can do much better than that. if i am to go to njc (it's conveniently close to my house), i NEED those 6 points.
Our Daily Journey (ODJ) devotionals start on 1st September. i really really really can't wait. recently i've been leaving God out of my life and instead turning to the radio to drown my worries/ sorrows. which is very very very bad. God is so much better than the radio. so hopefully ODJ will put me back on track (:
speaking of God, youth december church camp this year is gonna be AWESOME. because i'm finally helping out in a comm (: hospitality (because i'm in hospitality in the normal youth service anyway :D ) mei en's joined that comm too, it'll be nice to work with her
prom is like, on the 19th, only 4 days after the Os end, and i. have. no. dress. i can finally fit into my mom's dark/olive green floor-length gown, but that will probably make me stand out like a sore thumb among all the shorter dresses. i could re-use the dress from the scmun d&d, but something-that-i-won't-tell-you is deterring me from wearing it =/ aunty beth said she'll ask her niece (a tailor in hawaii, i think) if she can help me make a prom dress (: so nice right
i have this terrible terrible habit of doing things that aren't good for me just to prove to myself that i can do that thing. for example not studying for a test, predicting a fail, and receiving a fail, just to prove that my prediction of a fail was right. or being mean, just to prove to myself that i'm strong enough to do it and am not a softie. basically, i'm a afraid of failure. this seems contradictory to my previous example of failing tests, but in those scenarios, succeeding to predict a fail seems (but obviously isn't) better than studying and then failing, at least when i don't study, i can say that if i studied i would have passed. there are other strange things i do that i myself cannot comprehend (can't think of any right now). i really really want to take a psychological assessment to just find out why i do so many strange things, something/one that will just tell me EVERYTHING about myself, so i won't have to keep confusing myself.
the answer to all my troubles is of course very simple- God. but sometimes (many times, actually), i don't know whether or not i should do something, especially when it is a morally neutral decision (e.g. should i or should i not talk to a person). i know i learnt in sunday school that God really doesn't mind what decisions you make regarding these minuscule issues, what is important is that you align yourself to His will, then everything else will fall into place. my brain is tired, i can't think about all this simply complex stuff anymore.
oh btw my maternal grandparents gave me some myrrh from their january trip to israel, it smells nice (:
until the next time i feel extremely bothered/ stressed/ happy,
goodbye (:
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